March 12, 2011

I can’t believe I forgot, when I posted my weigh-in results yesterday, to share a milestone I’ve been waiting months and month to reach!  Talk about burying the headline!  Well, I remembered this morning, and late is better than never, so here it is:  I now weigh less than Homer Simpson.

I’m a longtime fan of “The Simpsons,” and used to be just about the biggest fan one could ever be.  In the late ’90s, I collected Simpsons merchandise, I taped every single episode onto VHS (I had over 20 tapes, and made custom-printed sleeves for each), and, in September 1997, during my freshman year in college, I started a Simpsons-related email newsletter that eventually attracted some 4,000 subscribers from dozens of countries and every state.  (This actually pre-dates blogs by only a few months – the term ‘weblog’ was coined in December 1997.)

Back in the fall of 1995, I was a junior in high school, and had just gotten my first lead role in a school play (I was Fred in “Noises Off”).  On November 5, 1995, an episode of “The Simpsons” called “King-Size Homer” aired.  I remember watching it in the basement of my friend Jocelyn’s house (we were probably supposed to be doing physics homework).  The episode of one of my all-time favorites.  In it, Homer decides to gain 61 pounds, so he can go on disability and work for the power plant from home, then nearly causes an explosion when he neglects his responsibilities.  It also revealed, for the first time, Homer’s weight: he’s 239 pounds (before he starts his 61-pound gain).

As of yesterday, I weigh 238 pounds. I weigh less than Homer.  I don’t know why this is so important to me, but I’ve thought about it for months now – ever since I got down to 260 or so, it’s occurred to be that soon I’ll weigh less than Homer.  I know that Homer’s not real, and I exist in one more dimension than him, and that I’m taller than him (in another episode his height is revealed as 6’0″, and I’m 6’4″), but hey – I’ll take any motivation I can get!

I really wanted to include a photo of Homer in this post, but Fox is very protective of their property, so instead I’ll include this clip from “King-Size Homer” that Fox posted online, where Homer, now 300 pounds, is working from home, and easily distracted:

I was really hoping to share the scene where Marge expresses her concern, but I couldn’t find it, so I’ll just transcribe it:

Marge: “Have you lost your mind?  Have you thought about your health or your appearance?”

Homer: “Oh, so that’s it, isn’t it, Marge?  Looks.  I didn’t know you were so shallow.”

Marge: “Oh, please.  I would love you if you weighed one thousand pounds, but…”

Homer: “Beautiful.  G’night!”

It’s all so wrong, but “The Simpsons” made it oh so funny.

Oh – one final thought:  At the end of the episode, Mr. Burns agrees to pay for liposuction, so Homer can get back down to 239.  I’m losing my weight through diet and exercise.

Keep it up, David!