Another Shitty Sunday.

March 27, 2011

I don’t want to write this post, but I’ve postponed it for hours already, so time to bite the bullet and get it over with.

I’m not gonna write much, because I’m not feeling well.  I’ve been sneezing all day, and my nose is nicely alternating between being fantastically stuffed up and then dripping like a faucet.  Good times.

In addition to not feeling 100% physically, I’m down in the dumps emotionally, too.  And that’s why I don’t want to write this post.  For the second Sunday in a row, I allowed my eating to spiral out of control.

Breakfast was fine: a veggie burger in 1/2 of a whole wheat pita, a banana, a pear, and some yogurt.  Then, around 1pm or so, I tried to rally myself up off the couch to go and exercise.  I failed.

Then, while still on the couch, I decided to figure out what I was gonna do for lunch.  I have plenty of fantastic ingredients for a kick-ass salad, but when I was fast-forwarding through some commercials on the TiVo something caught my eye: an ad for cereal.  I’m not even sure exactly was the commercial was for (Special K something-or-other, I think, I didn’t even stop the fast-forwarding to watch it in real time) but the seed was planted…  and it quickly took root and branched out, and coiled around every part of my brain: I want cereal, and I want it now. My next thought was: the mini-mart across the street has cereal! Next thing I know, I’m at the counter at the mini-mart, pulling money out of my wallet while the guy puts a box of Corn Pops into a bag.  And a canister of Pringles, because they were one aisle over.

Twenty minutes later, and the whole box of Corn Pops are gone. Eaten.  Same with the Pringles.

Two minutes after that, and the remorse sits in.

Ten minutes after that, and I’m face down on my bed, head in my pillow, thinking of the good week I had just had, and how I probably just undid it all.

Right now, I still feel pretty shitty.  I’m trying – really trying – to not be hard on myself.  I know I’m stronger and better than my actions today suggest.  I re-read my blog post from September, when I had my last cereal binge, and after that one, I was able to rebound quickly and get back on track – but I’m not feeling that kind of energy right now.  I’m trying to put together a game plan for tomorrow – one that involves good food and exercise.  I’m trying to focus on what I’ve accomplished.  Trying to remember that everyone has slip-ups, and falling isn’t the important thing, it’s how you get up.  Trying to NOT feel like a failure.  Trying to move on.  Trying…  trying…  just trying.

All this trying is exhausting, and I’m not sure it’s working.

I normally end all my posts with ‘Keep it up, David,’ but I’m not feeling it tonight.