I’ve been having a really good August: eating healthy food, making smart choices, keeping active with my daily walks. I feel better about myself and my progress than I have for a while.
But that doesn’t mean I’m flawless. I make mistakes, and I’m okay with that too. I’m trying to be better about acknowledging my stumbles, moving on, and focusing on my strengths.
I had a binge-eating episode late one night, last week. It was a little bit different than other ones I’ve had in the past, but it’s still worth sharing.
It stemmed from hunger. Not stress, or depression, or anxiety, or any of the other triggers that have caused binge-eating episodes in the past. I was relaxing at home, after a long day, watching TV. It was around 10pm when I heard my stomach growl and I realized I was hungry. Really hungry.
Hunger isn’t an uncommon feeling, but I’ve been on a roll lately with eating a substantial dinner and then not snacking again at night. I had eaten a hearty, filling dinner that night, around 7pm, and I wasn’t planning on eating again.
That changed at 10pm, when my stomach started growling and I turned to my fridge.
I had made a big bowl of broccoli slaw that I was planning on eating over the next couple of days, so I scooped some into a bowl and ate it.
When I was done, I refilled my little bowl and ate a second helping. And then I said ‘screw it’ with the little bowl, and ate the rest of the broccoli slaw straight out of the big bowl.
I was still hungry, so I ate my three remaining hard-boiled eggs. Then about 1/2 pound of deli cold cuts – turkey and ham. Then the rest of my cottage cheese – about 3 servings. Then over a pound of cherries. Then about 10 ounces of nuts (cashews, almonds, peanuts).
And then, finally, I stopped.
In the past, my binge-eating episodes have been centered around junk food: ice cream, cookies, Cheetos, entire boxes of cereal, or something like that. This binge, though, was all healthier stuff: fruit, veggies, lean proteins, nuts. I felt terrible and guilty, in the moment, because I was unable to control myself, but I also recognized that the damage could have been much worse.
The next day, I found myself not very hungry at all. Surprise, surprise! I still ate throughout the day, little bits here and there, but not as much as usual. I was still full from the night before. The day after that, I returned to eating the amounts of food I was accustomed to. There hasn’t been a binge-eating episode since.
There’s no big lesson here. This post is about being honest and vulnerable, and sharing a part of my day that, without a blog, would remain only in my memories.
There’s also a reason to pat myself on the back: there have been many times throughout my life where one evening of binge-eating would lead to two, then three, then a week’s worth of poor choices. This time around, though, I recognized what happened, and didn’t let it sour everything.
It happened. I moved on. I’m much stronger than one momentary lapse, So I’ll keep going, and I’ll keep doing the very best I can.
Keep it up, David.
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