A Dick In Burbank

I went for a great run over the weekend. And I had an awesome running partner:


I actually had two running partners:


That’s my friend Tavi and his dog Luna. Luna is a sweetheart – I recently got to take care of her while Tavi worked in China.

I came up with the route for our run, and I was inspired by a woman in San Francisco named Claire. Claire has a GPS app on her phone that traces her route while she runs, and she’s used it to  make some pretty awesome designs, like spaceships and beer mugs, and a whole lot of dicks. She chronicles her run-draws on her Tumblr page (go check it out, because it’s hilarious), and, a couple months ago, her dick run-draws went viral. She was featured on Jezebel and Vogue, and was talked about on CNN.

I’ve used my RunKeeper app to draw pictures before while I ran, but nothing nearly as involved as Claire. A few years back I made a star in the park…

Route 6 5 Star

…and then tried to spell my name in a Macy’s parking lot…

Route 6 15 David

…but I’d never tried to run a dick before. And then I learned about Claire, thanks to a couple friends that posted her press coverage on Facebook and shared it with me via email. I poured over a map of my area for a while, before finally figuring out which streets would lend themselves to run-drawing a good dick. And, over the weekend, Tavi, Luna and I ran it. Here’s the dick we ran:


It’s not perfect. The green “4 miles” marker covers up the part of the ball sack that indicates the existence of two balls, and plus, we turned down the wrong street for that part of the ball sack anyway (we should’ve turned one street earlier, but we passed it, because I didn’t realize it was an alley, not a street).

The best part was that while was Tavi was game for this run-draw penis adventure, I didn’t show him the route ahead of time, which meant during the run, I got to say all sorts of fun sentences like “We just gotta run along the top of the shaft for a few more blocks” and “Up here we’ll turn left and start making our way around the nutsack.”

Running the dick worked as an incentive, because we had an awesome run. It was 4.7 miles, and took nearly an hour. I haven’t run so far in months and months and months. Afterward, we walked a few blocks to a park, where we did sit-ups (I did 150) and played with the dog. Luna is a sweetie.



Speaking of Luna and Tavi, Tavi brought me back some gifts when he went to China, including… food!  A cup of noodles, a sweet called “mixed cake” (it was more like a mix of marzipan and gummy candy than a baked good), some watermelon gum, and some fresh produce. You’d take one look at this tangerine and think it wasn’t ripe, right?


WRONG! It’s perfectly ripe, and really delicious.


I love when people bring me produce! And I love running big, long dicks!

Keep it up, David!


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