Things are still going pretty well, ladies and gentlemen. I’m now on Day 5 of getting back on track, which means 5 days of making good food choices and 5 days of exercise (I haven’t worked out yet today, but I will). On Sunday, I made a big crockpot of chicken and veggie soup, so I’ve been enjoying that for my lunches. I’ve brought workout clothes to work, so I can get my exercise in after I’m done in the office.
While it’s a big improvement from how I was eating last week, I haven’t been perfect. Since I last blogged, I had a late-night episode that involved an after-midnight convenience store run, where I bought peanut butter cookies and a big bag of Combos (cheddar cheese cracker, my favorite). The other usual suspects showed up to the party, too – namely, guilt and regret – but I brushed myself off in the morning and let it go. For me, one of the hardest parts about a binge is forgiving myself and moving on. I’m a world-class champion at beating myself up over my mistakes, and it’s not a good thing to be a world-class champion at.
I also had a nice unexpected moment of inspiration and reflection. On Sunday morning, I met my friend Amy for a hike. I haven’t seen Amy in a year or two. We met bright and early at a trail that goes up into the Hollywood hills, and had a great 90-minute catch up session while tackling some good elevation changes. After we parted ways, I left the parking lot (where she parked) and headed down to where I parked, on the street.
Surrounding that parking lot is a metal guard rail, and in the corner, there’s a gap between two parts of it. It’s a very narrow gap, and as I approached it on Sunday, I remembered how I would look at it, years ago when I was much heavier, and think ‘there’s no way I could fit; I’ll have to go around.’ I took a picture of the gap – it’s only a couple inches wider than the span of my hand:
Can you guess what’s comes next? I fit through the gap. What a nice surprise… I FIT THROUGH THE GAP! It wasn’t hard, either – definitely not as tight a fit as an octopus passing through a 1-inch hole. I just turned sideways, held my breath, sucked in my gut, and passed through. My back and belly made contact with the rails, but that’s no big deal.
In retrospect, it seems like such a trivial event, but it’s moments like this that really excite me. It’s been three years since I’ve weighed over 400 pounds – long enough to have forgotten some of the muscle memories that come with being that size. So when something happens that reminds of the changes that I’ve made when I least expect it, I get jubilant. It’s easy to get wrapped up in the struggles from the past few weeks, but this was a big picture reminder that I’ve done something extraordinary, and I needed that.
Keep it up, David!