My Motivation Has Left Me.

Sometimes I’m really excited to share what’s going on in my little corner of the world. Other times, I’m not. This is one of those times.

I don’t want to beat around the bush, so I’ll just say it: I’ve let myself go, and I’m struggling to find any motivation to make healthy choices whatsoever. A big part of the reason why is thanks to a health concern that’s arisen in the past couple weeks. I’m going to be cryptic here, because I’m still processing what’s going on, and I’m not ready to share it yet. I’m sure I probably will, at some point, but not yet. It first reared its ugly head a few days after my wonderfully successful stair climb, and as a result, I decided to take a few days off from working out.

It’s now been over two weeks since my last workout. I’m not out of the woods in regards to that health concern, but I’m physically able to exercise, and I haven’t been. There’s a packed gym bag in my home, but I’m walking by it every morning.

In addition to that, I’ve been eating poorly. I’ve hit drive-thrus and convenience stores. My normal routine of planning meals and buying healthy options at the grocery store has gone out the window.

The truth is that while this health concern has led to many poor eating choices, my habits were already starting to slip. The past couple months have featured more ‘what-can-I-get-away-with’ moments that I would like to admit. I’ve found myself justifying unhealthy meals and snacks or outrageous portions because I ate well the rest of the day. Or because I ate well the day before. Or because I planned to eat well the day after. And, for a long time, those little episodes weren’t having that bad of an effect. I’ve more or less maintained my weight, within a range of a few pounds, for months, thanks to exercise and my ability to eat well most of the time.

Take away the exercise and the willpower to eat well, and what’s happened is that the exception has become the norm. In the past few weeks I’ve made more bad choices that I’ve made good. And that’s been reflected on the scale. I weighed myself earlier this week, and I was up about 15 pounds since my April 1st weigh-in. You’d think that would scare me into making immediate changes, but it didn’t. I might be up a few more since then.

I’ve struggled with staying motivated in the past, and I’ve found ways to refocus and switch things up. This time is proving to be more difficult. This health issue will most likely be resolved by mid-May, but I can’t keep eating junk because of fear or anxiety or comfort until then. One of the reasons I’ve delayed writing this post is because I hadn’t put together a plan, and, to be honest, I still haven’t.

But I can start making one right now. I can make a commitment to exercise tomorrow. That’s doable. My gym bag is already packed. And I can make a commitment to eat a healthy lunch tomorrow. That’s also doable, because I have plans to have lunch with friends, and I always make great choices when others are present (it’s when I’m alone that the trouble starts). And I can continue to be honest about my transgressions, like I’m doing in this post. That’s another good thing.

So I do have a plan. A couple steps is all I need to get started. I began this whole weight loss endeavor three years ago with a few baby steps, and it worked then. I can make it work now. In many ways I feel like I’m starting at square one, but there’s one huge difference: three years ago, I didn’t know if I’d succeed in losing any weight.

Now I know what I’m capable of. And I’m capable of A LOT. And that list keeps getting longer and longer.

So now, more than ever, I just need to… Keep it up, David.

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17 Responses to My Motivation Has Left Me.

  1. Oh, David! I’m SO there with you! You’re not alone! I flirted with the 100 pounds lost mark and BOOM. It was not that I couldn’t attain that goal; it was like I didn’t want to. My brain would not go there. My body wouldn’t follow. My Curves closed; my schedule changed and life took me away from my Zumba class for two nine-week stretches and one bite lead to another. I’ve gained back twenty pounds, at least, and the self-loathing is not far away… I had to buy some new jeans and they were a size larger than I was buying this time last year. I’ve gotten back on the wagon just last Monday… but it’s SO much harder this time than it was when I started this journey. And when I lost all the weight, I SWORE I wouldn’t do this!

    I hope your health issue resolves and isn’t serious. I hope you get your motivation back! And I hope you share it with me.

    We’ve done this, David! We can do it again. But it’s that ‘again’ word that hurts the most. Why do we keep doing this?

  2. David,

    Reading YOU is like reading part of my own story!! I am that guy who could not stay on track, who would go a certain distance forward and then a longer distance backward. You are using some key words to help you regain that successful part of your journey. HONESTY is a huge piece of the puzzle! You are also looking to ‘reboot’ now rather than 100 pounds from now. A big congrats on that! I have recently given away my story from my website if that helps in any way. We have to help each other and then others beyond that if we want to turn the tide on obesity! http://fatguydiary.com/node/1631 for my story.
    TheFatGuyTheFitGuyTheBEAST
    GOOD LUCK! and Take Care of YOU!

  3. Reen says:

    David, your post got my attention immediately this morning. I have not been reading “my favorites” as much lately because life got so busy, but this morning I wanted to “check in” and see who was out there to motivate me. 🙂

    What you have just said in this post really is so familiar to me. Really familiar! My two cents are as follows:

    You have moved in the right direction just by this post. Baby steps IS all it takes, one little tiny one at a time. You and I both know from experience that WE CAN keep doing this. I lost 75 pounds and have been at a healthy weight for the first time in my adult life and have kept it off for close to 4 years now.

    But we ARE HUMAN. We are certainly not perfect. But the fact that we can reflect on the past, see what we have done, and use those past accomplishments to pulls ourselves back and get back on track is what makes this whole thing work.

    For me, blogging when I am having an extremely difficult time, even when no one is reading or commenting, is key for me. My blog was a major tool to get me to my goal weight and I continue to use the input and support of others to keep me there.

    YOU, DAVID, ARE SUCH AN INSPIRATION TO OTHERS! USE THAT SAME INSPIRATION FOR YOURSELF! Look back at what you’ve done and realize that YOU CAN AND WILL DO THIS, one baby step at a time, one day at a time, one hour at a time.

    P.S. Love reading all about your adventures with skyscrapers, experimenting with new foods and produce, etc.

    KEEP IT UP, DAVID!!!

  4. Caron says:

    First, I’m glad that your health issue is something that will likely be resolved soon. Second, I know where you are on not being motivated. Unfortunately, I had a two year period where I was not at my goal weight. That was after maintaining successfully for a full six years. I didn’t gain it all back but was always five to ten pounds over and not very happy about it.

    My experience has been that once I give myself “permission” to eat whatever I want, it is VERY DIFFICULT to go back to telling myself no. You can definitely get back on track. I hope you’re able to do it before many more pounds are gained. It is so easy to gain them and so hard to lose. Good luck.

  5. Val Scott says:

    Ahh, I wish I could give you a big hug. Hugs are healthy. Research shows that hugging is extremely effective at healing sickness, disease, loneliness, depression, anxiety and stress. When you meet your friends for lunch I hope they give you a heart felt hug. Your accomplishments are amazing. I know you will get through this.

  6. You can get this back under your control, you don’t want to undo all of your hard work. Regaining lost weight seems to be part of all weight loss journeys. I have lost 56 lbs and need to lose 100 more, but I have been at a plateau for 6 months. Mentally, I can’t seem to allow myself to weigh less than 250, I need to crush this block and move on. I am joining a 12 week weight loss challenge with 25 other people, I want to get my weight loss restarted.

  7. Pam Brown says:

    Thank you for your honesty. We are all in this together, one day at a time.

  8. WebPixie says:

    What about signing up with a trainer for at least one session a week. They say if you have someone else (especially someone you’re paying) waiting for you that it helps it stick with it?

    How about asking those friends you are having lunch with to help you plan meet up times with each of them to do a kick start?

    I hope these help you get back on track.

  9. Amy says:

    You can do it David!! XO!

  10. nw says:

    THANK YOU SO much for posting this. This is where I feel I have been for the last 6 months. Heck even the last year. I hate being in a slump yet the slump has become the norm for me now. I must make a commitment again, everyday just like you are mentioning. Just something small. One day at a time.

  11. CarolMay says:

    as the Nike saying goes “just do it” You’ll be glad you did… that’s what I’m telling myself and it should start paying off soon… I feel better about myself when I exercise, I feel better about myself when I eat well.

  12. Nina says:

    David you are going to be alright! I just know it!

  13. kay Lynn says:

    Thank you for posting about the struggles of weight loss. I’m also glad you know you CAN do it. Good luck with the health issue.

  14. Jeannie says:

    We ALL have days/weeks/months like this. In fact it must be in the air because I’m having one too!! Just remember that you’ve done it before and you’ll do it again!! You are strong and resilient. This unhealthy pit stop was a small break on your healthy road. So lets both get back in the car and drive like a bat out of hell! Love you!!

  15. Miguel says:

    When i feel the temptation of straying to the bad stuff, I always go back to the quote “Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels”…. That’s does the trick for me. Stay strong.

  16. Nurse Karen says:

    It’s the lack of love syndrome. Probably some fear thrown-in for measure. When we fear something, that old “flight or fight” reaction kicks in, and since it may be an irrational fear, [“will I grow old, alone & undesired? Will anyone ever be my True Love, am I Worthy of Love?? Will I get employment to sustain me??] we want to stuff the anxious feelings with food since we can’t kill it with a stick ^_^. Respectfully suggest a massage three times a week. That will improve your all-over health ,[increases immune system, too!] and re-ignite reverence for your wonderful, precious, body that needs to know you still love it. Your soul is unchanging, infinite, and your bedrock of fortitude when you look Within. Praying for your total health, dear David. xoxo~

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