Sometimes I’m really excited to share what’s going on in my little corner of the world. Other times, I’m not. This is one of those times.
I don’t want to beat around the bush, so I’ll just say it: I’ve let myself go, and I’m struggling to find any motivation to make healthy choices whatsoever. A big part of the reason why is thanks to a health concern that’s arisen in the past couple weeks. I’m going to be cryptic here, because I’m still processing what’s going on, and I’m not ready to share it yet. I’m sure I probably will, at some point, but not yet. It first reared its ugly head a few days after my wonderfully successful stair climb, and as a result, I decided to take a few days off from working out.
It’s now been over two weeks since my last workout. I’m not out of the woods in regards to that health concern, but I’m physically able to exercise, and I haven’t been. There’s a packed gym bag in my home, but I’m walking by it every morning.
In addition to that, I’ve been eating poorly. I’ve hit drive-thrus and convenience stores. My normal routine of planning meals and buying healthy options at the grocery store has gone out the window.
The truth is that while this health concern has led to many poor eating choices, my habits were already starting to slip. The past couple months have featured more ‘what-can-I-get-away-with’ moments that I would like to admit. I’ve found myself justifying unhealthy meals and snacks or outrageous portions because I ate well the rest of the day. Or because I ate well the day before. Or because I planned to eat well the day after. And, for a long time, those little episodes weren’t having that bad of an effect. I’ve more or less maintained my weight, within a range of a few pounds, for months, thanks to exercise and my ability to eat well most of the time.
Take away the exercise and the willpower to eat well, and what’s happened is that the exception has become the norm. In the past few weeks I’ve made more bad choices that I’ve made good. And that’s been reflected on the scale. I weighed myself earlier this week, and I was up about 15 pounds since my April 1st weigh-in. You’d think that would scare me into making immediate changes, but it didn’t. I might be up a few more since then.
I’ve struggled with staying motivated in the past, and I’ve found ways to refocus and switch things up. This time is proving to be more difficult. This health issue will most likely be resolved by mid-May, but I can’t keep eating junk because of fear or anxiety or comfort until then. One of the reasons I’ve delayed writing this post is because I hadn’t put together a plan, and, to be honest, I still haven’t.
But I can start making one right now. I can make a commitment to exercise tomorrow. That’s doable. My gym bag is already packed. And I can make a commitment to eat a healthy lunch tomorrow. That’s also doable, because I have plans to have lunch with friends, and I always make great choices when others are present (it’s when I’m alone that the trouble starts). And I can continue to be honest about my transgressions, like I’m doing in this post. That’s another good thing.
So I do have a plan. A couple steps is all I need to get started. I began this whole weight loss endeavor three years ago with a few baby steps, and it worked then. I can make it work now. In many ways I feel like I’m starting at square one, but there’s one huge difference: three years ago, I didn’t know if I’d succeed in losing any weight.
Now I know what I’m capable of. And I’m capable of A LOT. And that list keeps getting longer and longer.
So now, more than ever, I just need to… Keep it up, David.