It’s been three and a half weeks since I’ve updated my weight loss chart. The last time I posted an update, it was a completely different month! My 2012 plan was to weigh myself every 2 weeks – often enough to keep tabs on my progress, but infrequently enough so I don’t become obsessed with the scale and weigh myself a ridiculous amount of times, forcing myself to move the scale to the trunk of my car.
So how did three and a half weeks pass with me stepping foot on the scale? Good question. I can honestly say that the scale slipped my mind last week, when I was due for a weigh-in. I think that because my weigh-ins are spaced further apart, I feel less pressure, and am thinking about the scale less often.
This is a good thing. I’ve been torn the past few
weeks months half a year, because I don’t want the results of my weigh-ins to dictate my week or my life. On the other hand, I want to continue losing weight, and I’m trying to continue losing weight, and I want the progress reports that only a scale can provide. Yes, yes, there are lots of ways to measure success, and I embrace them, but I will always need a scale.
The past three and a half weeks are the perfect example why. February has been kind of up and down for me. I’ve been in a bit of a rut – there have been stretches where I’ve let depression get the better of me, and periods where I’ve really worked hard on eating well and exercising. As I was stepping on the scale yesterday morning, it occurred to me that I didn’t have a prediction for what the outcome would be. A lot happens in three and a half weeks, and while this week I’ve felt pretty good about my choices, it hasn’t been that way all month long.
The outcome ended up being this:
Up 2 Pounds. I’m not distraught over 2 pounds. But it confirmed something that I pretty much already knew, which is that if I don’t pay attention to my scale, the pounds will return. They’ll creep back, slowly but surely, and before I know it, I’ll be 25 pounds heavier… 35 pounds heavier… 50 pounds heavier… I’ve dieted enough in my life, and gained back enough weight to know this is FACT. I suspect many of you have had similar experiences.
Do you wanna know my first reaction when 239 popped up on the scale display? My mind went to this blog, and my readers, and I thought, I’m a fraud. I’m a weight loss blogger that isn’t losing weight. I’m going to lose my credibility and people will think less of me.
I KNOW that’s complete bullshit, but I thought it anyway. I KNOW my readers are a group of incredibly supportive, loving, wonderful people who come here for a ton of reasons, and can relate to what I share and how I share it. I KNOW it’s human to make mistakes. I KNOW I’m brave to write about mine. I KNOW I shouldn’t hold myself to a higher standard than anyone else in my shoes just because I made the decision to share, very publicly, how I’m succeeding and how I’m struggling.
Furthermore, I KNOW that there’s not much I can do that would cause people to think less of me. I KNOW I’m loving, smart, handsome, funny, giving, insightful, clever, unique, special. I KNOW I can count, on one hand, the number of negative comments I’ve gotten, and still have fingers left over for nose-picking and bird-flipping. I also KNOW that what other people think of me is none of my business (to paraphrase RuPaul), and that it should be the least of my concerns.
But I still think it. I wish it was the positives that flooded my brain, but more often than not, it’s the negatives. And I’m really tired of it.
So I’m going to go into this weekend reminding myself of the positives. I’m going to remind myself of all my extraordinary qualities I mentioned above. I’m going to talk to the people in my life that I care about and love so much, that make my life so full of light and laughter. And at the top of that list is the guy I see in the mirror.
KEEP IT UP, DAVID.
PS. My current weight loss is 163 pounds, and that’s FUCKING AMAZING!