Previously on Keep It Up, David: David started jogging about a month ago, and set his first jogging goal – to jog past all four of the strip clubs within walking distance of his condo. He’s established his route (which totals 3.8 miles) and began practicing. Now you’re all caught up.
I have a couple pieces of good news, and some bad news. Well, not bad, per se, but definitely a game-changer. A shocker. For me, at least. It might even be good news for some people!
First, the good news: I stepped on the scale this morning – down 1 pound! I think my Froot Loops catastrophe the other day prevented me from losing more, but hey – I’ll take that pound, and add it to the collection – I’m down 137 pounds total! Time to update the chart:
The other good news is that I went for a jog this morning, and set new personal bests for distance and time. Previous records were 41 minutes, which was slightly over 3 miles. Today, 45 minutes and 3.3 miles!
Note to self: You should really start checking the weather before you go out for a jog, because it was freakin’ hot today. I just checked a couple different weather services, and the high for my zip code today is supposed to be, depending on the source, between 106 and 109 degrees. I started my jog at 10:04am, so it wasn’t quite that hot yet, but the lesson here is to wake your ass up earlier when you want to jog in the morning. I slathered on sunscreen, and naturally, after sweating a little, it was stinging my eyes. So happy my place has central A/C right now.
OK. Now here’s the part where everything got screwy. I decided before starting on the jog that I would head north and east – it’s the direction I’ve explored the least on foot, and by ‘the least’ I mean ‘not at all.’ I’ve driven in that direction many of times – there’s a Starbucks and a Staples and a Kmart and a 99 Cent Store (surprise, surprise) up there, but a lot of streets I hadn’t turned down before.
Just GUESS what I jogged past today. ANOTHER STRIP CLUB!
And this particular establishment has a leg up, so to speak, on its local competition:
It’s like, all of a sudden, I was transported back to downtown Ypsilanti, Michigan, mere minutes from where I went to college, where there’s another Deja Vu location. I’ve never been in it – I’ve never been in any strip clubs anywhere ever – but it was right down the street from the place where I got my tattoo. And my friend Erin worked there for a little while.
So that’s FIVE strip clubs within walking distance. No, wait, it gets BETTER.
After my jog was over, I jumped in the car so I could measure my distance on my odometer, and after completing that, I turned around and headed back to the Vu to snap the above photos. I took a slightly different route back home, and just LOOK at what I found!
Are you keeping track? That’s STRIP CLUB NUMBER SIX. I was rendered speechless (I was alone in my car, so it didn’t really matter much, but still). Speechless for two reasons: 1) I had no idea 10 months ago that I was moving into such a, um, horny part of town, and 2) How was this going to affect my jog-past-every-strip-clip goal?
Before I address #2, I just want to amend #1 a little bit by assuring everyone that there are plenty of other respectable businesses in my neighborhood. Yes, there are 6 strip clubs, but also within walking distance there are plenty of auto parts stores, a restaurant that sells both Chinese food and donuts (nope, haven’t been there yet), a place that sells pinatas, liquor stores and bodegas, and also a Sears, a Macy’s, chain restaurants, 7-11s, and a Williams-Sonoma. Just kidding, no Williams-Sonoma.
So now, let’s address #2 – my route. Back in the day (a few hours ago), when I thought there were only 4 strip clubs, I had plotted this route, which would take my past all 4 in one big loop:
When you factor in strip clubs 5 and 6, the route now looks like this:
The new total distance? 6.4 miles. That’s a lot of miles. I’ve only been able to jog about half of that!
My goal distance may have just gotten a helluva lot farther from my grasp, but I’m not gonna give up. I said I’m gonna jog past all the strip clubs in my neighborhood, and DAMN IT, I’M GOING TO. And, when the day comes that I can do it, I’m gonna take pictures of myself in front of ALL of them. Then I’ll arrange them in a collage, and voila! I have my holiday card. Season’s Greetings!
Keep it up, David!