I Quit My Job Today

I quit my job today.  It’s the second job I’ve quit in the past 4 months.  I’m becoming good at quitting – which is probably nothing to be proud about.  This is what’s been going down:

It was very difficult to quit the first job.  I had been there 7 years, and loved the people there, but felt myself tiring of the grind and wanting a change.  The second job came up in late August and I landed a position very quickly – they got my resume on a Thursday, had my interview on Friday, and I started the next Monday.  I had only worked for 7 weeks before knowing I had to quit – it just wasn’t the right job for me, and the signs were everywhere:  I was waking up queasy, I was counting the hours until I left, and hoping when I went into meetings that I would be able to leave without getting any new projects or assignments.  I know in my gut that leaving this second job is the right thing to do, and yet, I’m still queasy.  It’s just that the ‘you-aren’t-happy-with-this-job’ queasy feeling has been replaced by the ‘you-have-no-source-of-income’ queasy feeling.

What’s really tough is that my mind seems to naturally gravitate to the negative.  It always has.  I’d be writing all night if I had to list all the bad thoughts I’ve had in the past few days:  You’re making a mistake.  If you find another job, it’ll be a huge pay cut and you’ll be miserable.  You’ll never work again.  You’ll be unable to pay your mortgage.  You won’t be happy. People don’t like you. What the fuck are you doing with your life?  Why can’t you get your shit together?

I know all of that is extreme and untrue.  And I try to fight those thoughts with positive ones.  Lately I’ve been reminding myself daily of everything that I have going for me:  I’m smart.  I’m talented. I’m funny and interesting, and people like being around me. I have the best friends and family that will love me no matter what.  I have a lot to offer.  Any workplace out there would be lucky to have me.  I am at an exciting time in my life and it will all work out better than I ever could have imagined.

Why it is such a struggle to keep those good thoughts floating around?  Why aren’t the positive thoughts driving me through my day?  The negative thoughts can be so exhausting, but so is constantly replacing them with positive ones.  Why can’t I just feel like I’m winning?

Ugh.  And if all that isn’t enough, I’m also trying to battle my old comfort-eating habits.  Right now, Ben & Jerry’s sounds mighty delicious.  So do Oreos.  And Cheetos.  And Reese’s Pieces.  And Corn Dogs.  But I’m not going to turn to food.  I can’t.  I’m not going to open the cupboards again, thinking that somewhere in the back is a bag of chips I mistakenly forgot about.  I’m going to stop thinking about the mini-mart that’s right across the street, and the 7-11 that’s only a few blocks away.  I need to remember that no matter how good I thought those foods tasted during rough patches in the past, they aren’t the answer.  They are a part of the problem, not the solution.

This is a test, David, and you need to pass.  This is when you seriously need to keep it up.  Keep repeating those positive thoughts.  If they’re not driving you forward, then keep repeating them until they do.  Know that when you hit the ‘publish’ button and this blog does up on your website, friends will offer their encouragement and love.  Take that energy.  And feel it.  Because you deserve it, David, and no matter how much you second-guess or doubt yourself, you offer the world so much, and you can’t forget that.  You are a winner.

Keep. It. Up. David.  Now more than ever.

10 Responses to I Quit My Job Today

  1. Katherine says:

    You are a winner. And you are also a clairvoyant. Because I am your friend, leaving some encouragement and love.

    It is truly brave to stand up for what is going to make you happy. And to look the negative voices square in the face. We’ve all felt those things. Or, at least, I have.

    You will see the rewards of this challenge too. Keep on keepin on.

  2. Heather says:

    I get the same negative thoughts when a tour is over. “I’ll never work again. What will happen to my self sufficiency?” occasionally, it devolves into crying in the bathtub. No, don’t picture it, it’s not a pretty sight. In the past year I’ve been trying to combat it with “stress strolling” instead of “stress eating”. Find an area of town you don’t know well but feel safe in and wander for 3 hours. It clears my head and when I get home I have a healthy snack. My latest favorite, perfectly in season, and a reminder of childhood: a Michigan Honeycrisp Apple. Delicious. Anyway, I won’t repeat all the things that you already know about yourself, except this: the world’s a better place with you happy and fulfilled. There is a job that provides that and, given a little time, you’ll find it. Keep it up!

  3. Aimee says:

    Keep manifesting the good, David. It can be harder than heck when you hit a rough patch, but when you believe good things will come to you, when you believe it will all work out for the best, when you believe you deserve something… you do, and things will happen. This is a bump in the road and you will get over it. You’ve got support. We’re here for you. We love you.

  4. Shappy says:

    Garcia! Proud of you for making decisions that are right for you! Also, there are many, many great things about being unemployed, especially when you’re in LA. I mean, just yesterday, LG and I were flying high over the Santa Monica Pier on the trapeze! We should all go for a hike one day. But not like, a Krueger-level hike, where actual mountain climbing and tools are involved. Something a little easier on the knees. Like a Runyon, or the reservoir. Or perhaps, the boardwalk. I’m open to ideas, and I’m sure Lisa would be too. Let’s play!

  5. Jeannie says:

    KEEP IT UP, David!! This is just one obstacle. If most people had to choose I guarantee they would say that losing 130+ pounds is way, way, way more difficult than finding a job, especially when they are as awesome, fun and talented as you. You have already done the former so the latter will be a breeze. The most important thing in life is being happy and being a good person. You are a good person so you deserve to be happy. So kick those Oreos in the face and find something you love!

  6. therese says:

    you’re one of the bravest people i know. Most people take a paycheck over their own happiness. You’re also an incredible artist so keep painting! As far as eating crappy food,well let’s face it. It’s your achilles heel just like drugs or alcohol is someone else’s. one day at a time mate – xxx

  7. Lacey says:

    Leaving a job that isn’t right for you is always hard – but it often leads to finding a job that is a great fit! You certainly have my support & good wishes, and if there is anything I can do to help keep you motivated – absolutely just let me know! You are super funny, a lot of fun to be around, and most importantly – you are worth it. Worth waiting to find the right thing, worth putting in the effort, worth eating right and exercising more. So, absolutely keep it up!

  8. Mom says:

    Wow, I can’t express any better my love than all those positive, articulated, supportive comments from your friends. I also know that you will find a wonderful job or even several pretty good jobs – ha. You have never been a person that lacks for friends. Draw on their support instead of food.

  9. carolina says:

    I am so proud of you. You didn´t stay at a job that made you miserable, and therefore you didn´t cause yourself some serious problems later on! Can you imagine how you would feel in a year , if you hadn´t quit?? Ulcer, anxiety, you would probably have had every symptom of a deppression and you would probably have gained weight, for the same reason you have to convince yourself now not to let the feelings be an excuse for eat whatever comes in your way. If you have stayed at the job, you would have been so disappointed in yourself that the eating disorder wouldn´t have been an issue. If you were that mean to yourself about the job, so what difference could a couple of bags chips do..
    So you ddid the right thing! You acknowledged yourself! You let David be more important than anything else! GOOD FOR YOU!
    And we do keep your seat warm in Sweden..

  10. David says:

    Thanks to everyone for leaving such amazing, inspiring, heartfelt messages. It feels so good to read them – you have no idea. Or possibly, you do. I’ll be back on top in no time. (That’s what she said)

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