Getting Excited… Getting Nervous…

After getting and sharing the big news yesterday that I’m going to appear on “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” next week, I thought that last night I wouldn’t be able to sleep a wink, but, sure enough, I did.  I didn’t even have any dreams about falling on my face or tripping down the stairs, like I thought I might, either!  There’s plenty of time to not sleep and have nightmares, though – I have 4 more evenings to navigate before I tape the show next Monday.  (My appearance, with Richard Simmons, airs next Tuesday, January 11 – go to www.ellentv.com to find out when it airs in your area.)

A little later today, I’m heading to the mall to find the perfect outfit for national daytime television.  I’m gonna find me something hot!

In the meantime, I thought I’d catch you all up on a couple other things from the past couple days:

1) Running: On Tuesday, I went running for the first time since November 28 – over a month ago!  I didn’t run in Michigan, because it was too cold, and I have yet to run on a treadmill, mostly because I like running as an excuse to be outside… If I don’t do the occasional outdoor workout, I’d never be outdoors.  About 10 minutes into the run, I was already tired.  It sure felt like my first run in over a month.  Perhaps it was wishful thinking to assume that despite a break from running, I’d be able to keep up the pace and endurance I had when I was running every week in the fall.  But I couldn’t.  This run was much more difficult.  After 20 minutes in, I decided to go for 10 more minutes and call it a day after 30 minutes even.  I caught a brief second wind a few minutes before I finished, and pushed myself from 30 minutes to 34 minutes.  Add on about 8 minutes of warm-up and 8 minutes of cool down before and after the run, and I was on the streets for 50 minutes total.  During the 34 minutes I was actually running, I went 3 miles even.   Time to update the chart:

• 9/21/10: Distance: 3.1 miles.  Time: 41 minutes.  MPH: 4.53
• 9/27/10: Distance: 3.3 miles.  Time: 45 minutes.  MPH: 4.4
• 10/5/10: Distance: 3.2 miles.  Time: 40 minutes.  MPH: 4.8
• 10/12/10: Distance: 3.8 miles.  Forgot to note time and MPH
• 10/16/10: Distance: 2.9 miles.  Forgot to note time and MPH
• 11/1/10: Distance: 3.1 miles.  Time: 36 minutes.  MPH: 5.16
• 11/6/10: Distance: 5.1 miles. Time: 60 minutes.  MPH: 5.1
• 11/14/10: Distance: 3.9 miles. Time: 45 minutes.  MPH: 5.2
• 11/28/10: Distance: 4.2 miles. Time: 46 minutes.  MPH: 5.47
• 1/4/11: Distance: 3.0 miles. Time: 34 minutes.  MPH: 5.3

It sure didn’t seem like 5.3 mph, it seemed a lot slower.  But I’m not gonna argue with my math!

2) Craving: I developed a craving over the past week, and, yesterday, I decided to indulge.  Here’s the full story:

When we were in Mexico last week, there was a Dairy Queen a block away from our hotel.  We called it Reina de Leche.  While I’ve had Dairy Queen before, it’s never been a huge part of my life, or a huge temptation.  If there are Dairy Queens in my neighborhood, I don’t even know where they are.  But as the week in Mexico passed, I found myself thinking more and more how much I wanted a Dairy Queen – a Blizzard, to be more specific.  I talked about it with the family and friends I was in Mexico with, and ended up going the whole week without ever getting one.

Normally, when I get a craving, I like to sleep on it for at least one night.  A lot of times, the craving goes away.  Every once and a while, though, it doesn’t, and then I try to figure how I can indulge in the craving without falling too far off the wagon.  I was hoping the Dairy Queen craving would dissipate once I left Mexico and stopped walking past it 4 times a day, and yet, when I got home, it didn’t.  For three days, I caught my mind wandering, thinking how good a Dairy Queen would taste… how much I would enjoy it… how I need to go get one right now.

On the fourth day, I decided it was time to act on the craving before it drove me crazy.  But how?  I didn’t want to buy ice cream at the supermarket, because I didn’t want leftovers in my freezer, and I’d end up eating more than I wanted to.  Since I don’t know where the closest Dairy Queen is located, I decided to stop by one of their competitors, a store that’s convenient located a 1/2 mile from me:  Baskin Robbins.

I ended up leaving Baskin Robbins with two scoops, in a cup:

The more colorful scoop on the bottom is their Wild ‘N’ Reckless Sherbet, a mix of green apple, blue raspberry, and fruit punch.  According to the nutrition info on their website, one scoop is 160 calories.  The yellow scoop on top is their Daiquiri Ice.  According to the nutrition info for this flavor, one scoop is 80 calories, but the Daiquiri Ice on their website isn’t the same as the Daiquiri Ice I purchased.  The website version is lime green, but mine was yellow, and the store signage listed calories as 140.  I’ll stick to the store signage – and, added together, I conquered my craving with a 300 calorie treat.  I ate it slowly and enjoyed it, too – and the craving was gone!

Keep it up, David!

Not a Great Day

This day was not a great day, but thank God it’s almost over.

It started off well enough – I woke up around 9am and wrote a blog post.  So far, so good!  Then I wrote some emails and took care of a few things on my to-do list, including opening some mail, including a credit card bill.  Yesterday, by the way, I got my final paycheck from the job I just quit -  and guess which dollar amount was bigger?  That’s right, the credit card bill.  It was then that I had a WTF moment where I started worrying about money, which naturally escalated into worrying about my entire future from this point forward.  I’m really good at going to extremes.  Whereas the past two days I felt really good about my decision to quit, now…  well, it seems the unemployment honeymoon is over.

It was around then that I got a huge craving for cereal.  HUGE craving, bigger than most cravings I get, and for a food that I don’t eat that often.  I haven’t eaten cereal since the beginning of June, when my sister and nephew came to town, and I bought a box of something (I’m blanking on what kind) for my nephew Sam to have for breakfast.  I hadn’t eaten yet today (not smart), and since I already had some milk in the fridge, I thought, I’ll get some cereal from the mini-mart across the street.  That was mistake #1.  Mistake #2?  I ate the whole box.  Of Froot Loops.  And did the stupid kiddie puzzles on the back of the box.  Ugh.   Which led to instant regret and depression, on top of job-related existing depression (see paragraph 1), which, naturally, led to a 3-hour nap on my couch.

Proud to say that I woke up ready to get back on track.  Depression?  Over.  Oh, how I hoped that eating over a thousand calories in Froot Loops was somehow a dream, but it wasn’t.  But time to move past that, too.  I ate 2 small plums, grabbed my water bottle and a towel, and took off to Latin Jam class.  This is a class I started taking a month ago with my cousin Macrae, although she wasn’t able to come tonight.  It’s an intense dance aerobics class that kicks my ass every single week, and I love it.  Here’s a video of the type of stuff that we do:

When I got home, I decided I must have a good food day tomorrow, and so I planned everything out to avoid temptation.  Here’s what I’ll be eating:

I’ll break it down:

• Breakfast:  5 oz nonfat Greek yogurt (the container is 6 oz, but I used some in the wrap I made the other day); 1 plum (that I’ll cut up and mix with the yogurt); 1 packet instant oatmeal
• Lunch:  raw broccoli florets; 2 hard-boiled egg whites; 1 orange
• Dinner:  Salad (cabbage, cucumber, cherry tomatoes, 1 tbsp capers, roasted red peppers, 2 tbsp soy bacon bits; sprouted mung beans and wheatberries; 2 tsp non-fat sesame soy ginger dressing)
• Snack:  1 apple

I’m also taking a step class tomorrow morning.  It’ll be my third ever step class, and the first time I’ve gone in about 2 months.  Looking forward!

Keep it up, David!  (Not the cereal binge part)

I Quit My Job Today

I quit my job today.  It’s the second job I’ve quit in the past 4 months.  I’m becoming good at quitting – which is probably nothing to be proud about.  This is what’s been going down:

It was very difficult to quit the first job.  I had been there 7 years, and loved the people there, but felt myself tiring of the grind and wanting a change.  The second job came up in late August and I landed a position very quickly – they got my resume on a Thursday, had my interview on Friday, and I started the next Monday.  I had only worked for 7 weeks before knowing I had to quit – it just wasn’t the right job for me, and the signs were everywhere:  I was waking up queasy, I was counting the hours until I left, and hoping when I went into meetings that I would be able to leave without getting any new projects or assignments.  I know in my gut that leaving this second job is the right thing to do, and yet, I’m still queasy.  It’s just that the ‘you-aren’t-happy-with-this-job’ queasy feeling has been replaced by the ‘you-have-no-source-of-income’ queasy feeling.

What’s really tough is that my mind seems to naturally gravitate to the negative.  It always has.  I’d be writing all night if I had to list all the bad thoughts I’ve had in the past few days:  You’re making a mistake.  If you find another job, it’ll be a huge pay cut and you’ll be miserable.  You’ll never work again.  You’ll be unable to pay your mortgage.  You won’t be happy. People don’t like you. What the fuck are you doing with your life?  Why can’t you get your shit together?

I know all of that is extreme and untrue.  And I try to fight those thoughts with positive ones.  Lately I’ve been reminding myself daily of everything that I have going for me:  I’m smart.  I’m talented. I’m funny and interesting, and people like being around me. I have the best friends and family that will love me no matter what.  I have a lot to offer.  Any workplace out there would be lucky to have me.  I am at an exciting time in my life and it will all work out better than I ever could have imagined.

Why it is such a struggle to keep those good thoughts floating around?  Why aren’t the positive thoughts driving me through my day?  The negative thoughts can be so exhausting, but so is constantly replacing them with positive ones.  Why can’t I just feel like I’m winning?

Ugh.  And if all that isn’t enough, I’m also trying to battle my old comfort-eating habits.  Right now, Ben & Jerry’s sounds mighty delicious.  So do Oreos.  And Cheetos.  And Reese’s Pieces.  And Corn Dogs.  But I’m not going to turn to food.  I can’t.  I’m not going to open the cupboards again, thinking that somewhere in the back is a bag of chips I mistakenly forgot about.  I’m going to stop thinking about the mini-mart that’s right across the street, and the 7-11 that’s only a few blocks away.  I need to remember that no matter how good I thought those foods tasted during rough patches in the past, they aren’t the answer.  They are a part of the problem, not the solution.

This is a test, David, and you need to pass.  This is when you seriously need to keep it up.  Keep repeating those positive thoughts.  If they’re not driving you forward, then keep repeating them until they do.  Know that when you hit the ‘publish’ button and this blog does up on your website, friends will offer their encouragement and love.  Take that energy.  And feel it.  Because you deserve it, David, and no matter how much you second-guess or doubt yourself, you offer the world so much, and you can’t forget that.  You are a winner.

Keep. It. Up. David.  Now more than ever.